It’s been a recent realisation but a long-time discovery. I finally know and feel what it’s like to be in a crowded room but still feel alone.
Is it supposed to be upsetting? Is it pathetic? Is it so wrong?
Some might say it’s sad… and it is SAD to feel that way. But haven’t we all been there? Don’t we all feel like that once in a while? Why is it that we always need a someone or a something to happen to us, just so we feel right, normal again.
Yes, humans are social animals. We rely on human interactions to survive. But in fact, it would be very rare to die from the lack of human interactions because that is pretty much inevitable. Unless you’re stuck in a deep, dark hole away from any civilisation or something extreme as such. But question is, why is it so bad?
Why do we always feel the need? Why does it get us so upset when we’re the ones left out? Why do we always have to fit in somewhere? What’s wrong with being an individual? What’s so strange and pitiful about being an outsider?
Expect nobody and no one but YOURSELF wherever and whatever point in your life you’re in.
This is not about dissing others, self-pity or having too much expectation of others. This is also not just a pessimistic view of people, in fact, it is innate in everyone and myself included, whether done intentionally or non- intentionally. Either way, damage is still done and like the saying, it is hard to fix a broken mirror and sometimes not even easily fixable. This year I’ve been going through quite a transition, experiencing horrific things after things and the people I keep close to are too transitioning. This is however, just natural, another fact of life; people change.
From all this, a lesson I have taken is that no matter what, it will only be you for yourself at the end of the road. Promises of always being there and whatnot will be broken promises, so never expect anyone to always be there because they will eventually change just as you will too and you have no one but yourself in the end. And that’s what’s special about life; the facts of life just like the saying: You are born alone and you will eventually die alone too.
So enjoy yourself, be you and always put yourself first!
But I rarely come across the idea of falling in love with a country… In my case, my experience in the place down-under, Australia, let’s face it… I’ve fallen in love with the country!
Often I find my friends telling me, “wow I’ve never heard you speak so much of a place other than Australia”. It’s true that I love sharing my travel experiences with my friends and family… But never did I realize “Australia” was the majority of the content. But seriously… There is something so special about that place and it has made its way in my heart at first sight.
So, the other day… at our Creative Writing class, we were given a task called 3-6-9, where we write 3 shorts in just 69 words, excluding title of course! The 3 shorts can stand as a story on its own or can be a story all together. This task was quite a challenge for me because I tend to write a lot.. of details..so here is my first attempt.
Time of Sharing
I knew it wasn’t Susan’s but I opened it anyway.
“Susan, I wanted your jolly, fat, dancing Santa…!” I grumbled at the electronic car.
“Steal it from Jack!” Susan replied.
Everything was well till someone else stole the Santa from my lap at the last turn of the game and left me in tears. I never ever wanted to play that stupid White Elephant gift exchange ever!
I do not like you.
All I had wished for was to get my belly pierced on my 16th birthday but mum would always give me the death stare dare I mentioned it. I was fearful of her yet I felt fearless that day. At midnight, I was sneaked out by my girls to get it pierced. That morning was a hell.
“I hate you!”, I screamed at mom and never went home.
Present day, today.
I sit beside my mum’s bed, holding her hand as she slowly drifts away to a sweet dream. I whisper “I love you mum.” as the waves on the monitor slowly flattens. I examine her for the last time, the lines of her struggles that rested so beautifully on her looked more prominent.
The emptiness within disappeared because she imprinted a mark on my heart that would last forever.