All I wanted was to be the most supportive, ready to catch even when you fall, no apology needed even when you mess up kind of person to you. All was good even though the situation wasn’t ideal. I could see past all the darkness and see the beaming bright light at the end of the tunnel. But sometimes no matter how much patience you give someone, no matter how hard you try to be their rock, you can still be never good enough, never understanding enough, never patient enough, and instead of noticing why you were doing all those in the first place, you start to wonder if it is just you.
This whole time I was trying my best to fix a broken heart even though I realized each time I was giving away a part of me, I thought it’d be a success and everything would work out fine. Perhaps I should think more positively… maybe this isn’t the end, this is just one of those multiple bumps we need to bear through.
Only time will tell and I am no powerful than time, so for now, instead of going over and over my head thinking what happened in a blink of an eye, I will let time pass by. No matter what I do or say at this point, I’d just be wounding myself. I won’t let my emotions get the best of me instead I will let them be and accept them as they are. Time will heal me because I am no greater than time.
First sunset of the year 2018.
It’s ordinary things like these that I realize make me feel completely fulfilled at the end of the day.
Things we see every day of our lives but never noticed.
Next time you feel like getting away from the crowds of life, take a moment.
Take the moment to notice and appreciate what was always there. You too will be cured.
We are our very own biggest critic, judge and competitor. We critic our own decision-makings, thoughts and actions, we judge ourselves of who we are and who we can never achieve to be. Hell yeah, we even do the judging of ourselves for others, putting ourselves in their shoes and looking at ourselves from their eyes, making assumptions as if we knew better of what they think about us. We then try to please and live up to our expectations of their expectations. As if all that isn’t enough, we further punish ourselves by competing against ourselves each and every moment. Maybe if I say this, do that, wear this, buy that, have this… I can be more/ I can be less __________________.
But why is it that we are constantly in a battle with ourselves? Is there even a finish line?For how long are we a work-in-progress? How do we come to see that we are well-cultivated? Are we so self-centered, that all we could care about is ourselves?
I know that many of us go through this from time to time, questioning the universe of our potentials and goals. And it isn’t a sin to want to be better and an improved self. And it is okay to want to be good to others and to create an image that you desire for yourself to the world. These things are what average people would do.
Still, wouldn’t it be much nicer if we could give ourselves a little more credit than doubts, to fill ourselves with positivity than sweating on the unnecessary little things? Perhaps a pat on the back on our mind reminding how far we’ve come? Wouldn’t it be much nicer if we could do more of this than fiddling with the voices in our heads?
It’s been a recent realisation but a long-time discovery. I finally know and feel what it’s like to be in a crowded room but still feel alone.
Is it supposed to be upsetting? Is it pathetic? Is it so wrong?
Some might say it’s sad… and it is SAD to feel that way. But haven’t we all been there? Don’t we all feel like that once in a while? Why is it that we always need a someone or a something to happen to us, just so we feel right, normal again.
Yes, humans are social animals. We rely on human interactions to survive. But in fact, it would be very rare to die from the lack of human interactions because that is pretty much inevitable. Unless you’re stuck in a deep, dark hole away from any civilisation or something extreme as such. But question is, why is it so bad?
Why do we always feel the need? Why does it get us so upset when we’re the ones left out? Why do we always have to fit in somewhere? What’s wrong with being an individual? What’s so strange and pitiful about being an outsider?
Last night I watched the movie “50 First Dates” on netflix because I could not sleep and I no longer wanted to finish up my homework. I could not help smiling and laughing with “awwww” throughout the whole movie! I loved it so much! This cute chick flick movie really touched me deeply even though the it was a happy ending, it made me reflect on the importance of memory.
Lucy the main heroine only has long term memory and cannot process information in the short-term memory to her long-term memory due to a car accident a year ago. So, she lives the same day everyday before the accident and has no recollection of new memories. Then she meets this guy, Henry, who he deeply falls for her and everyday he has to make her fall in love, hence the title “50 First Dates” because every day is a new day for her.
I won’t spill on the other details of the movie because I do not think I can even explain the awesomeness of the movie as it is and it is wayyy WORTH it to watch it!!! After the movie, more than the “OH, i wish i had a guy like that..” or “oww, this is the best movie ever!!!”, I was intensely moved by the way our “Memory” plays in our life. As cliche as it sounds, I do not remember the last time I thought about our “memory” in such perspective. I mean, yes, of course, most of us are all “healthy” and living a normal life but never did I think of my “memory” in such gratefulness. Throughout the movie, I kept wondering what if I had the same condition… I could not bear the thought! I really am so thankful my “memory” is intact, that allows me to make new memories. And I realize it is these new memories that move us along in life, shape us as a person and brings us happiness. We are able to experience all that life has to offer to us and preserve them within us. The lessons we learnt, people we met and things that we did, all are safely guarded in us. As humans, memory is also all that we have when we are left with nothing. When we die, it is all these memories that make our life and we die with it. No one can snatch away your memory, it solely belongs to you, that makes every part of you, so thinking about the less fortunate people that do not have it like us, in my opinion, it is one of the worst thing in the world. So, can you imagine yourself without the ability to make new memories? Without the ability to store what you did, with whom and where? How would you feel waking up everyday to the same day?