LET LOSE

We are our very own biggest critic, judge and competitor. We critic our own decision-makings, thoughts and actions, we judge ourselves of who we are and who we can never achieve to be. Hell yeah, we even do the judging of ourselves for others, putting ourselves in their shoes and looking at ourselves from their eyes, making assumptions as if we knew better of what they think about us. We then try to please and live up to our expectations of their expectations. As if all that isn’t enough, we further punish ourselves by competing against ourselves each and every moment. Maybe if I say this, do that, wear this, buy that, have this… I can be more/ I can be less __________________.

But why is it that we are constantly in a battle with ourselves? Is there even a finish line?For how long are we a work-in-progress? How do we come to see that we are well-cultivated? Are we so self-centered, that all we could care about is ourselves?

I know that many of us go through this from time to time, questioning the universe of our potentials and goals. And it isn’t a sin to want to be better and an improved self. And it is okay to want to be good to others and to create an image that you desire for yourself to the world. Β These things are what average people would do.

Still, wouldn’t it be much nicer if we could give ourselves a little more credit than doubts, to fill ourselves with positivity than sweating on the unnecessary little things? Perhaps a pat on the back on our mind reminding how far we’ve come? Wouldn’t it be much nicer if we could do more of this than fiddling with the voices in our heads?

Advertisements

OUTSIDER

It’s been a recent realisation but a long-time discovery. I finally know and feel what it’s like to be in a crowded room but still feel alone.

Is it supposed to be upsetting? Is it pathetic? Is it so wrong?

Some might say it’s sad… and it is SAD to feel that way. But haven’t we all been there? Don’t we all feel like that once in a while? Why is it that we always need a someone or a something to happen to us, just so we feel right, normal again.

Yes, humans are social animals. We rely on human interactions to survive. But in fact, it would be very rare to die from the lack of human interactions because that is pretty much inevitable. Unless you’re stuck in a deep, dark hole away from any civilisation or something extreme as such. But question is, why is it so bad?

Why do we always feel the need? Why does it get us so upset when we’re the ones left out? Why do we always have to fit in somewhere? What’s wrong with being an individual? What’s so strange and pitiful about being an outsider?

 

Down the Memory lane: Childhood

It has been a good 4 days at the village, in nepali terms “Gau” where my family originally is from and my birth place. To be honest, I am surprised how much I am enjoying my stay despite the constant electricity & fresh water shortage.  

 
My grandparents have finally decided to settle down and so, finally getting to build their dream house next to the one that raised their children and for the first 4 years, me. 
  

Thank god we have a back-up system at our new house that recharges using solar, which comes in handy when power cuts off, so we can still manage basic accommodations such as the ceiling fan (which is a must for Nepal’s Summer) and the lights around the house. 

I can’t pin my favourite part but… One of the thing about staying here is the fresh air & water (when it’s available)! The water comes directly from the mountains and is filtered naturally… So you can only imagine how pure it is!   

 
That’s the view behind our place and I can never get tired of seeing so many greens and rice fields everywhere! Also, my grandfather is a superman; he grows corns, guavas, lemons, chillies and so many more at our backyard!  

 

Okay, I guess I lied, my favourite would definitely be just chilling and killing time with my grandparents and Pappy, our little furry family member! 

  

   

There’s Pappy and my grandpa! He sincerely has a soft heart for animals! 

 

When asking my grandma to smile, there’s the outcome. She always replies, “how do I smile? Like this.. Eeee?!” and goes laughing about how she doesn’t have the teeth to do so! Haha!

 

We also get a lot of love from our opposite door neighbour (a kitten), meowing at our doorsteps, unfortunately, Pappy’s sworn enemy. 
Another amazing thing about going back to the village is discovering gems that hold so dear memories!  

 

For instance, our old kitchen is literally the place my mum gave birth to me! Of course, the kitchen was more traditional back then, but can you imagine??! 

Another thing is going through my things (Thankful my grandparents still preserved them as it was!), even though I cannot recall everything, it’s fun hearing stories related to the objects. Heres a picture of me I would like to share… I was probably around 3 at that time! 

  

My hair was a mess, it didn’t start growing until later. I guess the one thing I can say is that I’ve had pixie short length hair once in my life ! Also, my mum always complain about the fashion disaster caused by my dad in that picture!  

    

I am in love with this place and so glad I got to come back and revisit my childhood! It’s funny how a lot people call out to me when I’m out strolling with the family, “Roshani hoina yo?!!” (Isn’t this Roshani?!) in complete shock! So many unfamiliar faces but amazed after all these years they still remember that little child! 

  

I cannot even begin to describe my experience here but through this short sharing, I hope I can remind myself the beauty in simplicity that’s so rich in this field full of emeralds! 

    

I hope you all are having a wonderful experience this summer! 

Xoxo,

Oddinary Girl